beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
