I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize