Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My vagina is officially offended.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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