some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
