let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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