her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
True strength comes from lack of pants
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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