I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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