he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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