Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
