happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize