Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
