Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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