oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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