I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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