I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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