Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
