i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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