i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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