sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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