am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
