I feel great
I just peed on a car
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Terrible idea I love it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
