Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
