It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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