Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
