I have demons in me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
