i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
