mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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