explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We left an ass print on the piano.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
