I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
