I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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