I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
