I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
