gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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