I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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