He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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