My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
