Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
tell me about the fingering
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