She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
