Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I have vodka in my lungs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
