Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
