yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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