why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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