this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
