I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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