yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
