Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
