i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
