Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
