call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
