I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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