so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
