I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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