brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
