This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
