Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
