Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
