i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
