are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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