i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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