He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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