Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
