I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
