Your dad touched me again.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
