i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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