i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
and you fell through a lawn chair
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
