why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize