just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
