I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize