all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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