Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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