just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
