He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
