The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize