nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
