Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
