Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
