Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Found your dick twin last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
