i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
