i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Randomize
