i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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