Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
