I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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