i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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