I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
